"We need another and a wiser and perhaps more mystical concept of animals. In a world more complete than ours, they move finished and complete, gifted with extensions of the senses we have lost or never attained, living by voices we shall never hear. They are not brethren, they are not underlings; they are other nations, caught with ourselves in the net of life and time, fellow prisoners of the splendor and travail of the earth." ~ Henry Beston

Top 25 Bird Names November 2009 (from BirdChannel.com) "Bird eClub’s Top 25 names, plus name ideas from other visitors like you. Any bird owner will tell you that parrots have personality, and they have to have a name that reflects who they are. The staff at BirdChannel did a search of the most popular 25 names used by people who have created a Bird eClub profile and came up with the following list. The most popular name for a parrot on BirdChannel? Kiwi."

Kiwi Baby Sunny Buddy Charlie Sunshine Angel Tiki Tweety Mango Lucy Max Peanut Sammy Skittles Peaches Coco Sam Bella Rocky Lucky Oliver Oscar Pepper Harley

Fun (real) news item Apr 10, 2006 A Chinese village threw 200 cats a party with a catered fish banquet to thank them for their hard work. Residents of Sanjiang bought the felines for $1,500 to kill off rats on their farms, and the kitties were so successful, the town rewarded them.

Doggy Dictionary LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go. DOG BED: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room. DROOL: A liquid which, when combined with sad eyes, forces humans to give you their food. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and get the drool on the human. SNIFF: A social custom used to greet other dogs, similar to the human exchange of business cards. GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread. BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards. The person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away. DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down. THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels. WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers. It is important to evenly distribute its contents throughout the house before your person comes home. BATH : If you find something especially good to roll in, humans get jealous, and they use this degrading form of torture to get even. Be sure to shake only when next to a person or a piece of furniture. LEAN: Every good dog's response to the command "sit!," especially if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events. BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea. GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the regular bump doesn't get the attention you require ... especially effective when combined with the sniff. See above. CHILDREN: Short humans of optimal petting height. Standing close to one assures some good petting. When running, they are good to chase. If they fall down, they are comfortable to sit on. LOVE: A feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.

Here's a fun site: Stuff On My Cat stuffonmycat.com Yup, it's exactly what it sounds like: people stick things on their cat, take a photograph, and upload the pic to the site with a cute one-liner caption. Bananas, plastic Godzillas, flowers, business cards, you name it. (At the bottom of each page is a link to the next page of pix.) I gotta tell you, I usually don't laugh at these type of things. They actually bother me a bit, the ones that float around on the internet, where the cat (or dog) looks upset and pained by whatever it is the human thought was sooo cute. Also those cruel videos which are so "funny". NOT THIS SITE. I laughed until I cried - literally! Some of the pictures are so unbelievably ludicrous it's just beyond the beyond. Only a cat owner would know how your cat, well some cats, anyway, can just go with the flow when Mommy or Daddy decide it's Just Time to stick something on too-comfortable-kitty! They're crusin' away in the half-sleep I'm watchin' ya zone and suddenly it's just time to lay your pencil on their plump furry side. They look at you with those oh-so-tolerant judgemental kitty eyes and eventually grab the pencil and try to figure it out / chomp down on it. So - YES try this at home if you're so inclined (if you know your cat will enjoy this!! some do find it too silly for their liking, so respect that of those cats) but of course be careful to watch the cat so that they don't try to eat the remote or Elvis toy! There are of course the usual ads all over the place, but other than that... enjoy the site! A few examples off the site: \ OK, so that last one was self-created...no human intervention necessary! Tip: at the top left above each picture there'll be a category, such as Stuff on my cat, Creatures on my cat (pix of a dog laying on a cat, a kid laying on a cat, etc), Housewares on my cat (a cup on a cat's head, etc.) and so on, so you can check by category. Me, I just went page by page! 98% of them were great, a couple here and there bothered me a tiny bit but really, most were good, great or hysterical.

A similar fun site ~ this one, you go to http://blog.esaba.com/projects/catphotos/catphotos.php?image=400 and click on "Click here for new Random Cat Photo" link at the top of the page and you'll see, well, a random funny cat photo! Just do that over and over...,they're great!

MY DOGS LIVE HERE My dogs live here, they are here to stay. You don't like pets, be on your way. They share my home, my food, my space This is their home, this is their space. You will find dog hair on the floor, They will alert me that you're at the door. They may request a little pat, A simple “no” will settle that. It gripes me when I hear you say “Just how is it you live this way? They smell, they shed, they're in the way….” WHO ASKED YOU? Is all I can say…. They love me more than anyone, My voice is like the rising sun, They merely have to hear me say “C’mon girls, time to go and play” Then tails wag and faces grin, They bounce and hop and make a din. They never say “no time for you”, They're always there, to GO and DO. And if I'm sad? They're by my side And if I'm mad? They circle wide And if I laugh, they laugh with me They understand, they always see. So once again, I say to you Come visit me, but know this too…. My dogs live here, they're here to stay. You don't like pets, be on your way. They share my home, my food, my space This is their home, this is their place…. ~ Author Unknown

Gift Wrapping with a Puppy  1. Gather presents, boxes, paper, etc. in middle of living room floor.  2. Get tape back from puppy.  3. Remove scissors from older dog’s mouth.  4. Open box.  5 Take puppy out of box.  6. Remove tape from older dogs’s mouth.  7. Take scissors away from puppy.  8. Put present in box.  9. Remove present from puppy's mouth. 10. Put back in box after removing puppy from box. 11. Take scissors from older dog and sit on them. 12. Remove puppy from box & put on lid. 13. Take tape away from older dog. 14. Unroll paper. 15. Take puppy OFF box. 16. Cut paper being careful not to cut puppy's foot or nose that is getting in the way as she "helps". 17. Let puppy tear paper remaining to be cut. 18 Take puppy off box. 19. Wrap paper around box. 20. Remove puppy from box and take wrapping paper from her mouth. 21. Tell older dog to hold tape so he will stop stealing it. 22. Take scissors away from puppy. 23. Take tape older dog is holding. 24. Quickly tape one spot before taking scissors from older dog and sitting on them again. 25. Fend off puppy trying to steal tape and tape another spot. 26. Take bow from older dog. 27. Go get roll of wrapping paper puppy ran off with. 28. Take scissors from older dog who took them when you got up. 29. Give pen to older dog to hold so he stops licking your face. 30. Remove puppy from present and hurriedly slap tape on to hold the paper on. 31. Take now soggy bow from puppy and tape on since the sticky stuff no longer sticks. 32. Take pen from older dog, address tag & affix while puppy tries to eat pen. 33 . Grab present before puppy opens it & put away. 34. Clean up mess puppy & older dog made playing tug-of-war with roll of wrapping paper. 35. Put away rest of wrapping supplies & tell dogs what good helpers they are.

You have to check this bird out "In April 2006, to celebrate naturalist David Attenborough's 80th birthday, the public were asked to vote on their favourite of his television moments. This clip of the lyrebird was voted number one. A Lyrebird is either of two species of ground-dwelling Australian birds, most notable for their extraordinary ability to mimic natural and artificial sounds from their environment." Julie's note: This really IS great. Speakers on It'sUNBELIEVABLE!!! http://www.devilducky.com/media/46386/

TOP 14 SUPER POWERS COVETED BY DOGS 14. Invisibath ~ The power to disappear at the first sound of bath water 13. ViseHump ~ The leg hump grip of steel 12. AquaField ~ Immunity to bucket of cold water when copulating in driveway 11. Skeetvision ~ The ability to shoot laser beams from your eyes to blast that damn Frisbee out of the sky 10. SuperBladder Loaded with Toxi-Urine ~ One lift of the leg and this town is mine! 9. SquirrelFreeze ~ Speaks for itself! 8. AnalTelepathy/ButtSniffery ~ Two powers which when combined allow one to smell another dog's butt without actually having to get up and move around. 7. John-O-Matic  ~ Turns any toilet bowl into a punch bowl by sheer force of will. 6. ChuckSpeed ~ Ability to catch that friggin' Wagon Train. 5. Anti-Psych-Out ~ Immunity to all that "fake throw" nonsense. 4. VacuCalm ~ Utter self-control whenever the vacuum cleaner is turned on. 3. GucciTract ~ An invincible digestive system that sustains itself entirely on designer shoes. 2. King Fido's Touch ~ Everything you touch turns into crap And the #1 Super Power Most Coveted by Dogs... 1. DoberMorph ~ Ability to change into a Doberman anytime someone rolls up a newspaper.

How To Make A Puppy Pie Take one puppy, roll and play with until lightly pampered, then add the following. 1 cup patience 1 cup understanding 1 small pinch of correction 1 cup well packed, hard work 2 heaping cups of praise 1 1/2 cups of fun, any flavor Blend well Now Heat with the warmth of your heart until raised or until puppy has doubled in size. Mix with owner until consistency is that of the owner and puppy being are one.

CAT RULES I. DOORS Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs and scratch the frame. You may also reach under the door and pull clothing towards you; silks get the quickest reaction. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, when it's raining or snowing, or during the height of the mosquito season. Swinging doors must be avoided at all costs. II. CHAIRS AND RUGS If you have to urp, get to an overstuffed chair quickly. If you cannot manage this in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there are no Oriental rugs, shag is a good substitute. When urping on shag, be sure you project; it is a must that it stretch for as long as a human's bare foot. III. BATHROOMS Always accompany guests to the bathroom. (See Rule I) It is not necessary to do anything - just sit and stare. IV. HELPING If one of your humans is engaged in some semi-closed activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping"; humans are known to refer to it as "hampering". The following are the rules for "helping": a) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted. b) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself. c) For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of what the humans may tell you. d) For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity), keep in mind the aim - to help! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time. e) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump. V. WALKING As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human. Especially effective places to strike are: 1) On stairs, when they have something in their arms; 2) In the dark; and 3) When they first get up in the morning. This exercise helps with improving their coordination skills. VI. BEDTIME Always sleep on the human at night. If there are two (or more) of you, book end the human putting off the greatest heat. They will try and squirm but your sheer numbers and inert bodies will effectively keep them pinned. VII. COMPUTERS 1: Only show interest in computers that are turned ON, the operator will need your help. 2: Monitors are bad for human eyes. It might ruin your owner's sight and cause them to buy less cat food. Always get in between the monitor and the person operating the computer. For best results, stands as close to the monitor as possible. If you are removed, go and sulk in a corner for a minute, then repeat. Look as innocent as possible. 3: Keyboards are great to lie down on. Make yourself as comfortable as possible. Marching over the keyboard several times is fun too. Practice aiming at alt-F4, N, and ctrl-alt-del. 4: Always chase the mouse. Your owner can't blame you for this, since it's your feline instinct to chase mice. 5: Floppy disk make great scratching posts. Nothing beats floppies when it's time to sharpen your nails.

You Know You're a Dog Person When... You slipcover all the furniture in a complementary color to your dog to make it easier to hide/remove the dog hair. Your dog gets regular checkups every 6 months, but you've lived in the state for five years and don't have a doctor yourself. (Score double points on this one if you have a reserve vet lined up for your dogs as well.) You don't think twice about trading licks of an ice cream cone with your dog. You justify the purchase of a larger vehicle or house because of the dogs. Your neighbors cringe at your landscaping ... more chainlink to fence off the few remaining shrubs, more deep sandy "pits" than patches of grass and more slabs of concrete. You buy premium quality dog kibble for your dog, but live on take-out, frozen pizza and blue-box macaroni and cheese yourself. You meet someone when out walking your dogs and introduce your dog first. Vaccination and licensing records for all your dogs are in perfect order, but your checkbook hasn't been balanced in months, and last year's tax records are nowhere to be found. You have a plastic kiddie wading pool in the backyard, but no kids. (Double points if you have a pool for each dog.) Your dog gets a deep cut on the pad of his foot and gets emergency medical attention at the vet, but you break your toes and settle for taping them together with duct tape and taking some aspirin to kill the pain. You buy supplements for your dog and administer them daily (wrapped in cheese if necessary), but consider yourself fortunate if you remember to take your own more than twice a week. Your family has resigned themselves to the fact that you're bringing your dog to all holiday gatherings, or you don't bother coming at all. You keep license tags from dogs long passed over. You change jobs so you can spend more time with the dogs. You use kennel disinfectant in the house. Your parents give up on grandchildren and start to refer to your dogs as "your kids". (Bonus points if they start to call them "our granddogs".) You have kiddie gates permanently installed at strategic locations in the house, but no kids. You have nose prints on all glass surfaces ... windows, doors, inside the car, etc., and you leave them there because cleaning them seems so futile at this point. Your dog gets sick and you sleep next to him in a sleeping bag in the kitchen in case he needs to go out. You take a sick day from work to take care of your dog. Relative solidity of dog excrement is a suitable topic for discussion in mixed company. You don't work late or socialize after work because you have to get home to take care of your dog. You have hundreds of pictures of your dog on your desk at work, in your wallet, etc., but none of your family or yourself. You keep the heartworm medication in the refrigerator in the "deli drawer". You don't mind finding dog hair in the sink, tub, embedded in the carpet or clothes, or mixed in your food. (Take an extra point if you don't bother trying to remove it from your food ... extra protein, right?) Half your laundry is dog blankets, sheets and beds. You upgrade from a queen- to king-size bed to make room for the third or fourth dog. You've had long meaningful discussions with your friends about the best way to trim your dog's nails, but have never had a manicure or pedicure in your life. No one wants to ride in your car because they know they'll get dog hair on their clothes. (Bonus points if you've removed the rear seats to make room for dogs and dog crates.) You talk to your dogs the way most people talk to their children. You go to pet supply stores on weekends because it's one of the few places you can take your dog. All of your furniture is second hand or "curbside discard", but your dog crates are top of the line, industry premium. You consider dog crates to be an inspired form of interior decorating. (Bonus if you use them as end tables in your living room.) You spend more time and effort grooming your dog than yourself. And it shows ... your dog gets more compliments than you do. You know more about canine nutrition than human nutrition (and it shows.) Your dog gets his coat stripped/trimmed more often than you get a haircut. The only thing friends, colleagues say when they see you is "How are the dogs?" or "How many dogs do you have now?" You order a big screen tv just so you can watch the Westminster Kennel Club Show once a year. You hate posing for pictures unless you're with your dog. You're willing to pet sit, but not baby sit, for friends. All of your clothes have dog hair on them, even when they come back from the laundromat or dry cleaners. You've had a bad day and decide that your dog is the best "person" to talk it over with. You celebrate dog events (new dog, dog birthday, finished championships, etc.) by throwing catered parties with lots of people ... but ignore your own birthday. Your vet, back-up vet, emergency vet clinic, obedience instructor are all programmed speed dials on your phone. You have extra dog collars and leashes on the walls, grooming tools on the TV and sofa, dog beds strewn across all flat surfaces, kibble crud around the base of your cabinets, chew toys everywhere, dog-fur dust rhinos skidding across the carpet and floors, and a long line of drips from the water bucket to the living room across the hardwood floors ... and you don't care. (Bonus and automatic win if you have important company coming and you ignore all the housekeeping in order to groom the dogs before they arrive.)

All I Need To Know About Birthdays, I Learned From My Cat Be finicky - they'll try harder to please you. Give attitude - get attention. If you don't like your presents, SULK. If you get bored at your party - just curl up for a nap. Don't stress out over your first grey whisker. Act completely unimpressed by the presents you receive. Remember, this is your day, so if anyone bugs you, you're allowed to hiss and spit. Take the day off and lie in the sun. Stay out on the prowl all night long. Demand only the most expensive fresh fish for dinner. It's a good day to shed your inhibitions. Act catty - toy with your presents before you tear them open. Don't overdo it with the catnip or you'll regret it in the morning. If you aren't getting enough attention, sharpen your claws on somebody's leg. Don't let anything or anyone PUT YOU OUT! And remember... curiosity might kill you, but birthdays won't!

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets: 1. They live here. You don't. 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.) 3. I like my pets a lot better than most people. 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Dogs and cats are better than kids...they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children.

DOG EXERCISES You've seen those fitness ads on TV promising amazing results from all sorts  of contraptions. Well,  there's no need to invest in fancy equipment. If you have (or can borrow) a dog, you have everything you need to get in shape now.  The following exercises can be done anywhere, anytime. Inner Thighs: Place the dog's favorite toy between thighs. Press tighter than the dog can pull. Do not attempt bare legged - dogs who favor shortcuts to success will just dig the toy out. You could be damaged. Upper Body Strength: Lift the dog - off the couch, off the bed, out of the flower bed. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Balance and Coordination, Exercise 1: Remove your puppy from unsuitable tight places. If they're too small for him, they're certainly too small for you. Do it anyway! Balance and Coordination, Exercise 2: Practice not falling when your dog bounds across the full length of the room, sails through the air, and slams both front paws into the back of your knees. Balance and Coordination, Exercise 3: (for use with multiple dogs) Remove all dogs from lap and answer the phone before it stops ringing. Upper Arms: Throw the ball. Throw the squeaky toy. Throw the Frisbee. Repeat until nauseous. Upper Arms: (alternate) Tug the rope. Tug the pull toy. Tug the sock. Repeat until your shoulder is dislocated or the dog gives up (we all know which comes first) Hand Coordination: Remove foreign object from dog's locked jaw. This exercise is especially popular with puppy owners. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Remember, this is a timed exercise. Movements must be quick and precise (think concert pianist) to prevent trips to the vet, which only offer the minimal exercise benefit of jaw firming clenches. Calves: After the dog has worn out the rest of your body, hang a circular toy on your ankle and let the dog tug while you tug back. WARNING: This is feasible only for those with strong bones and small dogs. Have you taken your calcium supplement today? Calves: (alternate) Run after dog - pick any reason, there are plenty. Dogs of any size can be used for this exercise. Greyhounds are inadvisable. Neck Muscles: Attempt to outmaneuver the canine tongue headed for your ear, mouth, or eyeball. This is a lifelong fitness program. A dog is never too old or too feeble to "kiss" you when you least expect it.

A DOG'S DICTIONARY BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently. BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away. BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea. DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person want them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down. DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room. DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps. GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread. See also Wastebasket. GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn't get the attention you require.....especially effective when combined with the Sniff. LEAN: Every good dog's response to the command "sit!", especially if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events. LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go. LOVE: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return. SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dogs rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop. SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean. See also Dog Bed. THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels. WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home. See also Garbage Can.

ALTERNATIVE DOG TITLES
Most of us know about the great titles your dog can earn through the American Kennel Club and other organizations. We all are familiar with the:
CH (champion) CD (companion dog) CDX (companion dog excellent) UD (utility dog) UDX (utility dog excellent) TD (tracking dog) TDX (tracking dog excellent) OTCH (obedience trial champion) and so on...
Well some of the dog owners out there in cyberspace have a few of their own titles that even your family dog can earn -without any special training! Most are naturals. Many dogs have many of these already!!! Here is a list of just a few of them :
ARB (ace refrigerator bandit) BW (butt wagger) BWX (butt wagger excellent) CC (cat - courser) CCX (cat - courser excellent) CP (couch potato) CPX  couch potato excellent) CSX (counter surfer extrordanaire) EAX (escape artist excellent) GFIY (go fetch it yourself) GP (garbage picker) GPX (garbage picker excellent) HD (hole digger) HDMX (hole digger major excavationist) IDDI (I didn't do it)	ILF (I like food) ILLF (I like lots of food) IWFF (I work for food) LD (lap dog) LDX (lap dog excellent) PHD (puddle hopper dog) SC (skunk courser) TBF (thick but friendly) TGS (terribly good snorer) TGAN (terribly good at nothing) TSIM (that seat is mine) TTIM (that toy is mine) UNCD (under the covers dog) UNCDX (under the covers dog excellent) WM (who me?)

GOLDEN RETRIEVER The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

BORDER COLLIE   Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

DACHSHUND You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

DOBERMAN While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.

COCKER SPANIEL Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

ROTTWEILER Make me.

LAB Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?

OLD ENGLISH SHEEP DOG Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?

AUSTRALIAN SHEPHERD First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

POINTER I see it, there it is, there it is, right there....

TIBETAN TERRIER   Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

CHIHUAHUA Yo quiero Taco Bulb. We don't need no stinking light bulb.

BOXER Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark......

GERMAN SHEPHERD I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

GREYHOUND It isn't moving. Who cares?

BASSET HOUND ZZZZZZzzzzz.z.z.z..z..z..z...z

JACK RUSSELL TERRIER I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

POODLE I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

CAT Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the question is: How long will it be before I can expect light, some dinner and a massage? ...All of which proves once again that while dogs have masters, cats have staff...

Pet's Bill of Rights Anonymous 1. We have the right to be full members of your family. We thrive on social interaction, praise, and love. 2. We have the right to stimulation. We need new games, new toys, new experiences, and new smells to be happy. 3. We have the right to regular exercise. Without it, we could become hyper, sluggish... or fat. 4. We have the right to have fun. We enjoy acting like clowns now and then; don't expect us to be predictable all the time. 5. We have the right to quality health care. Please stay good friends with our vet. 6. We have the right to a good diet. Like some people, we don't know what's best for us. We depend on you. 7. We have the right not to be rejected because of your expectations that we be great show dogs or show cats, watchdogs, hunters, or baby-sitters. 8. We have the right to receive proper training. Otherwise, our good relationship could be marred by confusion and strife - and we could become dangerous to ourselves and others. 9. We have the right to guidance and correction based on understanding and compassion, rather than abuse. 10. We have the right to live with dignity...and to die with dignity when the time comes.

The Price of Dogs We repeatedly see the breakdown of the cost of raising a child. I thought about how that compares with raising a dog and we decided to list it in a rewarding way. It's nice. I recently calculated the cost of raising a dog from birth to 10 years (dog years). Now this is one of my dogs, not the average dog. My dog gets top notch treatment so your results may vary. I arrived at a total of $71,780. This all includes the cost of buying the dog and shipping her (or going to get her), the vets (plural) bills, dog medicines and supplements, dog training, dog pictures, dog sitting while you're away, fresh dog food, and various dog toys and paraphernalia. And that number doesn't presume any major calamities as we have experienced. Talk about price shock! That doesn't even touch the cost of showing or breeding. But $71,780 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into $7,178 a year, $598 a month, or $140 a week. .That's a mere $20 a day! Just under a dollar an hour. Still, you might think the best financial advice is not to have dogs if you want to be "rich." Actually, it is just the opposite. What do you get for your $71,780? 1.  Naming rights. First name at least plus at least at the vet, you get to use whatever last name you want! 2. Glimpses of God every day. 3. Smiles when your dog just gets up and comes over to sit by your side for no apparent reason. 4. Laughs when they do silly things or when you dress them up for Halloween. 5. More love than your heart can hold. 6. Smooshy wet kisses and warm hugs. 7. Endless wonder over tennis balls, squirrels, flying insects, and sticks. 8. A paw to hold, usually twitching while she naps at your feet. 9. A partner for hiking and swimming in the lake. 10. Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day. For a mere $71,780, you never have to grow up. You get to play ball whenever the dog wants, play hide-and-seek, and throw endless amounts of Frisbees, sticks and tennis balls until your arm is sore or you wear out the tennis racket. You have an excuse to act like a fool without anyone thinking you're nuts, never stop believing in simple pleasures like sitting on a grassy knoll looking at nothing or buy outrageously expensive toys and gadgets just to amuse your best buddy. You get to frame pictures of your dog in ridiculous outfits, tell stories of how great Rover was on the agility field, and collect presents in the yard and wonder who the master in your family is really. You get a front row seat in history to witness the first ending to obedience class, the first  swim, the first good encounter at the dog park. For a mere $20 a day, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for coming in the front door after work (remember big smooshy wet kisses?) and you'll always be greeted that way. You get idolized if you have any food item in your hands, you even mention "that" word that send your dog into supreme attentiveness, or you even put one finger on the leash. You may not be able to take a tax deduction for your dog but she is every bit dependent upon you as if she were your own child. You get an education in psychology, nursing, communications, and your own mind that no college can match. In the eyes of a dog, you rank right up there close to God. You have supreme power to heal cactus thorn scars, chase away the thunderstorm monster, and love them unconditionally. Don't count the cost - they don't. What a deal for the price! Love & enjoy your dogs! It's the choicest investment you'll ever make both for your dog and for you. Priceless. Author Unknown

DOGS ~ HUMOROUS CROSS-BREEDS Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly Collie + Lhasa Apso: Collapso = a dog that folds up for easy transport Collie + Malamute = Commute. a dog that travels to work Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere, a dog that's true to the end Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle. Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier = Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet Spitz + Chow Chow = Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes and Bull Terrier + Shitzu = .... Let's not go there MORE GREAT COMBOS Afador ~ Afghan Hound/Labrador Retriever mix Afaird ~ Affenpinscher / Briard mix Affen Spaniel ~ Affenpinscher / Cocker Spaniel mix Affen Terrier~ Affenpinscher / Border Terrier mix Affen Tzu  ~ Affenpinscher / Shih- Tzu mix Affengriffon ~ Affenpinscher / Brussels Griffon mix Affenhuahua ~ Affenpinscher / Chihuahua mix Affenpoo ~ Affenpinscher / Poodle mix Afghan Collie ~ Affenpinscher/Border Collie mix Afghan Retriever ~ Afghan Hound/Golden Retriever mix Afghan Sheepdog ~ Afghan Hound/Belgian Sheepdog mix Afghan Spaniel ~ Afghan Hound/Cocker Spaniel mix Afollie ~ Afghan Hound/Collie mix Aireweiler ~ Airedale/Rottweiler mix Akita Shepherd -~ Akita Inu/German Shepherd mix American Eagle Dog ~ American Eskimo/Beagle mix American Rat Pinscher ~ American Rat Terrier/Miniature Pinscher mix Aussiedoodle ~ Australian Shepherd/Poodle mix Aussiedor ~ Labrador/Australian shepherd mix Bagle Hound -~ Basset Hound/Beagle mix Ba-Shar ~ Basset Hound/Shar-Pei mix Basschshund ~ Basset Hound/Dachshund mix Basselier ~ Cavalier King Charles Spaniel/Basset Hound mix Basston ~ Basset Hound/Boston Terrier mix Bassugg ~ Basset Hound/Pug mix Beagador ~ beagle/Labrador mix Beag-A-Poo ~ Beagle/poodle mix Beagleman ~ Beagle - Doberman Pinscher mix Beago ~ Beagle/Golden Retriever mix Be-Apso ~ Beagle/Lhasa Apso mix Bea-Tzu ~ Beagle/Shih Tzu mix Bichon Poo ~ Poodle/Bichon Frisé mix Bichon/Yorkie ~ Bichon Frise/Yorkshire Terrier mix Bichon-A-Ranian ~ Bichon Frise/Pomeranian mix Bich-poo ~ Bichon Frise/Poodle mix Bi-Tzu ~ Bichon Frise/Shih Tzu mix Blab ~ Beagle/Lab mix Blabrador ~ Bloodhound/Labrador mix Bocker ~ Beagle/Cocker Spaniel mix BoDanes ~ Boxer/Dane mix. Also known as Great Danoxers. Bogle ~ Beagle/Boxer mix Bogle ~ Boxer/Beagle mix Boglen Terrier ~ Boston Terrier/Beagle ~ also sometimes known as a Boston Beagle Borador ~ Border Collie/Labrador Retriever mix Bordachy ~ Border Terrier/Dachshund mix Borderjack ~ Border Collie/Jack Russell Terrier mix Bordernese ~ Bernese Mountain Dog/Border Collie mix BoShih- ~ Boston Terrier/Shih Tzu mix Bospin ~ Boston Terrier/Miniature Pinscher mix Bostinese ~ Boston Terrier/Pekingese mix Boxador ~ Boxer/Labrador Retriever mix Boxerdoodle ~ Boxer/Poodle mix Boxertriever ~ Boxer/Retriever mix Boxweiler ~ Rottweiler/Boxer mix Brat ~ Boston Terrier/Rat Terrier mix Brissel Chiffon ~ Brussels Griffon/Chihuahua mix Broodle Griffon ~ Brussels Griffon/Poodle mix Brug ~ Brussels Griffon/Pug mix Bug ~ Boston terrier/Pug (also known as a Puggle) or Beagle/Pug Buggs ~ Boston Terrier/Pug mix Bullboxer ~ Boxer/other Bull breeds Cairnoodle ~ Cairn Terrier/Poodle mix Care-Tzu ~ Cairn Terrier/Shih Tzu mix Cavachon ~ Bichon Frise/Cavalier King Charles Spaniel mix Cavachon ~ Cavalier King Charles Spaniel/Bichon mix Cavapom ~ Cavalier King Charles Spaniel/Pomeranian mix Cavapoo ~ Cavalier King Charles Spaniel/Poodle mix Cava-Tzu ~ Cavalier King Charles/Shih Tzu mix Cheeks ~ Chihuahua/Pekingese mix Cherokee Monarch ~ Papillon / Russian Toy Terrier mix Chi-Chon ~ Bichon Frise/Chihuahua mix Chih-Bea ~ Pronounced/Chihuahua/Beagle mix Chinese Crestepoo ~ Chinese Crested/Poodle mix Chinese Crestese ~ Chinese Crested/Maltese mix Chin-wa ~ Chihuahua/Japanese Chin mix Chion ~ Chihuahua/Papillon mix Chipin ~ Chihuahua/Miniature Pinscher mix Chi-Poo ~ Chihuahua/Poodle mix Chiweenie ~ Chihuahua/Dachshund mix. Also known as Chiweiner. Chiweiner ~ Chihuahua/Dachshund mix. Also known as Chihweenie. Chonzer ~ Bichon Frise/Miniature Schnauzer mix Chorkie ~ Chihuahua/Yorkshire Terrier mix Chug ~ Chihuahua/Pug mix Cock-A-Chon ~ Bichon Frise/Cocker Spaniel mix Cockalier ~ Cavalier King Charles/Cocker Spaniel mix Cock-A-Mo ~ American Eskimo/Cocker Spaniel mix Cockapin ~ Cocker Spaniel/Miniature Pinscher mix Cockapoo or cockerpoo ~ Cocker Spaniel/Poodle mix Cock-a-Shels ~ Cocker Spaniel/Sheltie mix Cocker Westie ~ Cocker Spaniel/West Highland White Terrier mix Cockeranian ~ Cocker Spaniel/Pomeranian mix Cocker-Chons ~ Cocker Spaniel/Bichon mix CockerShnauz ~ Cocker Spaniel/Schnauzer mix Cockinese ~ Cocker Spaniel/Pekingese mix Cogol ~ Cocker Spaniel/Golden Retriever mix Colab ~ Collie/Lab mix Colonial Cocker Spaniel ~ American Cocker Spaniel/English Cocker mix Copica ~ Corgi/Cockapoo mix Corgidor ~ Labrador Retriever/Corgi mix Corkie ~ Cocker Spaniel/Yorkie mix Coydog ~ Domestic Dog/Coyote mix Crested Malt ~ Chinese Crested/Maltese mix Crested Tzu ~ Chinese Crested/Shih Tzu mix Daisy Dog ~ Bichon/Poodle/Shih-Tzu mix Dameranian ~ Dachshund/Pomeranian mix Danedor~ Boxer/Dane mix Daug ~ Dachshund/Pug mix D'Lanes ~ Dane/Lab mix Doodleman Pinscher -~ Doberman/Standard Poodle mix Dopindor ~ Doberman/Lab mix Dorgi ~ Dachshund/Corgi mix Dorkie  ~ Dachshund/Yorkshire Terrier mix Doxers ~ Dachshund/Boxer mix Doxie-Chon  ~ Bichon Frise/Dachshund mix Doxiepoo ~ Dachshund/Poodle mix Doxle ~ Beagle/Dachshund mix Ebondor ~ Ebony /Labrador mix EngAm Bulldog/Olde Bulldog ~ American Bull Dog/English Bulldog mix English Boodle ~ English Bulldog/Poodle mix English Boston-Bulldog  ~ Boston Terrier/English Bulldog mix Eskapoo ~ American Eskimo Dog/Poodle mix Eskland ~ American Eskimo/Shetland Sheepdog mix Faux Frenchbo Bulldog ~ Boston Terrier - French Bulldog mix Foodle ~ Poodle/Toy Fox Terrier mix Foxhoodle ~ Fox Hound/Poodle mix Foxton ~ Boston Terrier/Toy Fox Terrier mix Frenchie Pug  ~ French Bulldog/Pug mix Gerchowder ~ German Shepherd Dog/Chow Chow mix German Chocolate Shepador/Chocolate Shepherd Lab mix German Retriever ~ German Shepherd/Lab mix Glechon ~ Beagle/Bichon Frise mix Golden Boxer ~ Golden Retriever/Boxer mix Golden placeLabrador ~ Golden Retriever/Labrador Retriever mix Golden TypeMountain Dog ~ Golden Retriever/Bernese Mountain Dog mix Golden Sheltie  ~ Golden Retriever/Sheltie mix Goldendoodle ~ Golden Retriever/Poodle mix Goldmation  ~ Golden Retriever/Dalmatian mix Gollie ~ Golden Retriever/Collie mix Great Dab ~ Great Dane/Lab mix. Also known as Great Danadors. Great Danador ~ Great Dane/Lab mix. Also known as Great Dabs. Great Danoxers ~ Boxer/Great Dane mix. Also known as BoDanes. Great Labanes ~ Great Pyrenees/Dane mix Great Labpyre ~ Great Pyrenees/Lab mix Havamalt ~ Havanese/Maltese mix Highland Maltie ~ West Highland White Terrier/Maltese mix Hush Basset ~ Basset Hound/Cocker Spaniel mix Huskador ~ Husky/Lab mix Italian Chihound ~ Italian Greyhound/Chihuahua mix Jack Chi ~ Chihuahua/Jack Russell Terrier mix Jack-A-Bee ~ Beagle/Jack Russell Terrier mix Jack-A-Poo ~ Jack Russell Terrier/Poodle mix Jack-Rat Terrier ~ Jack Russell Terrier/Rat Terrier mix Jacorgi ~ Jack Russell Terrier/Corgi mix Japillon ~ Japanese Chin/Papillon mix Jatese ~ Japanese Chin/Maltese mix Jeagle Terrier ~ Terrier/Beagle mix JR Retriever ~ Jack Russell/Lab mix Jug ~ Jack Russell/Pug mix Keagle - Beagle/Cavalier King Charles mix Kelpie Collie ~ Australian Kelpie/Border Collie mix Kimola  ~ American Eskimo/Lhasa Apso mix Labbe ~ Beagle/Labrador Retriever mix LaBeagle ~ Lab/Beagle mix Labernese  ~ Chocolate Labrador/Bernese Mountain Dog mix Labmaraner ~ Labrador Retriever/Weimaraner mix Labony ~ Lab/& Ebony mix LaBoxer ~ Lab/Boxer mix. Also known as Laboxy. LabraBorder ~ Lab/Border Collie mix Labradalma ~ Lab/Dalmation mix Labradane ~ Labrador Retriever/Great Dane mix Labradane~ Boxer/Dane mix Labradoodle ~ Labrador Retriever/Poodle mix Labround ~ Lab/Hound mix Lacasapoo ~ Cock-A-Poo/Lhasa Apso mix La-Chon ~ Bichon Frise/Lhasa Apso mix Lafhound ~ Labrador/Afghan Hound Lhasalier ~ Cavalier King Charles/Lhasa Apso mix Lhasapoo ~ Lhasa Apso/Poodle mix Lhasa-Poo ~ Lhasa Apso/Poodle Lhatese ~ Lhasa Apso/Maltese mix Little Bich ~ Bichon and Chihuahua Malchi ~ Chihuahua/Maltese mix Mal-Shi ~ Maltese/Shih Tzu mix Maltichon ~ Maltese/Bichon mix Malti-Poo ~ Maltese/Poodle mix Malton ~ Cavachon/Maltese mix Malt-oodles ~ Maltese/Poodle mix Mauzer ~ Maltese/Miniature Schnauzer mix Meagle ~ Beagle/Miniature Pinscher mix Miniature Aussiedoodle ~ Miniature Australian Shepherd/Toy or Miniature Poodle mix Miniature Bulldog ~ Bulldog/Pug mix Miniature Goldendoodle ~ Golden Retriever/Toy or Miniature poodle mix Miniature Labradoodle ~ Labrador Retriever/Toy or Miniature poodle mix Miniboz ~ Boston Terrier/Miniature Schnauzer mix Minnie Jack ~ Jack Russell Terrier/Miniature Pinscher mix Mountain Rottadors~ Rottweiler/Labrador/Mountain Dog mix Muggin  ~ Miniature Pinscher/Pug mix Papastzu  ~ Papillon/Shih Tzu mix Paperanian ~ Papillon/Pomeranian mix Papi Tzu ~ Papillion/Shih-Tzu mix Papichon  ~ Papillion/Bichon mix Papi-poo ~ Papillion/Poodle mix Patterland ~ Patterdale Terrier/Lakeland Terrier mix Peagle ~ Beagle/Pekingese mix Peek-A-Pom ~ Pekingese/Pomeranian mix Peke-A-Chon ~ Bichon Frise/Pekingese mix Peke-A-Pin ~ Miniature Pinscher/Pekingese mix Peke-A-Pom ~ Pekinese/Pomeranian mix Peke-A-Poo ~ pekinese/poodle mix Peke-A-Tese ~ Maltese/Pekingese mix Pekehund ~ Pekingese/Dachshund mix Pekepoo ~ Pekingese/Poodle mix Pineranian ~ Miniature Pinscher/Pomeranian mix Pit StatePei ~ American Pit Bull Terrier/Shar StatePei mix Pitador ~ Pit/Lab mix Plica ~ Basset Hound /Ori Pei mix Poinsetter ~ Pointer/Setter mix Pointing Lab ~ Labrador Retriever/Pointer mix Pom Terrier ~ Pomeranian/Toy Fox Terrier mix Pomanees  ~ Maltese/Pomeranian mix Pomapoo ~ Pomeranian/Poodle mix Pomchi ~ Pomeranian/Chihuahua mix Pomimo  ~ American Eskimo/Pomeranian mix Pom-Poo ~ Pomeranian Poodle mix Poochin  ~ Japanese Chin/Poodle mix Poogle ~ Beagle/Poodle mix Poo-Shi  ~ Poodle/Shiba Inu mix Poovanese  ~ Havanese/Poodle mix Pugalier ~ Pug/Cavalier King Charles Spaniel mix Pug-A-Mo ~ Pug/American Eskimo Dog mix Pugapoo ~ Pug/Poodle mix Puggat  ~ American Rat Terrier/Pug mix Puggle ~ Pug/Beagle mix Puggle ~ Pug/Beagle mix, also known as a Bug Puginese ~ Pekingese/Pug mix Pugshire ~ Pug/Yorkshire Terrier mix Pug-Zu  ~ Pug/Shih Tzu mix Rat-Cha ~ Chihuahua/Rat Terrier mix Ratshi Terrier ~ American Rat Terrier/Shih Tzu mix Rattle Griffon ~ Brussels Griffon/Rat Terrier mix Rott-A-Dors ~ Rottweiler/Labrador mix Rottle ~ Rottweiler/Standard Poodle mix Saint Berdoodle ~ Saint Bernard/Poodle mix Schnocker ~ Miniature Schnauzer/Cocker Spaniel mix Schnoodle ~ Miniature Schnauzer/Poodle mix Scoodle ~ Scottish Terrier/Poodle mix Sheltidoodle  ~ Sheltie/Poodle mix Shepadoodle ~ German Shepherd/Standard Poodle mix Sheprador  ~ Australian Shepherd/Labrador Retriever mix ShiChi ~ Chihuahua/Shih Tzu mix Shiffon ~ Brussels Griffon/Shih Tzu mix Shih-Apso ~ Lhasa Apso/Shih Tzu mix ShihPom ~ Shih Tzu/Pomeranian mix Shih-Mo ~ American Eskimo/Shih Tzu mix Shih-Poo ~ Shih-Tzu/Poodle mix Shinese ~ Shih Tzu/Pekingese mix Shiranian ~ Pomeranian/Shih Tzu mix Shit ~ Shepherd/Pit mix Shocker ~ Cocker Spaniel/Shiba Inu mix Shockerd ~ English Shepherd/Cocker Spaniel mix Shorgi ~ Corgi/Shih-Tzu mix Shorkie Tzu  ~ Shih Tzu/Yorkie mix Silkland Terrier ~ Silky Terrier/Westie mix Silky Cocker  ~ Maltese/Cocker Spaniel mix Silky Tzu ~ Silky Terrier/Shih-Tzu mix Sniffon  ~ Miniature Schnauzers/Brussels Griffon mix Snorkie ~ Miniature Schnauzer/Yorkshire Terrier mix Spanador  ~ Labrador Retriever/American Cocker Spaniel mix St. Weiler ~ Rottweiler/St. Bernard mix Taco Terrier  ~ Chihuahua/Toy Fox Terrier mix Terri-Poo ~ Terrier/Poodle mix Texas Heeler ~ Australian Cattle Dog/Australian Shepherd Dog mix Torkie  ~ Toy Fox Terrier/Yorkie mix Wee-Chon ~ Bichon Frise/Westie mix Weeranian ~ Pomeranian/Westie mix Weimardoodle ~ Weimaraner/Poodle mix Weshi ~ Shih Tzu/Westie mix Westiepoo ~ Westie/Poodle mix Whoodles ~ Soft Coated Wheaton Terrier/Poodle mix Wolamute ~ Alaskan Malamute /Timber Wolf mix Yoranian ~ Pomeranian/Yorkshire Terrier mix Yorkie Russell ~ Yorkshire Terrier/Jack Russell Terrier mix Yorkie-Apso ~ Lhasa Apso/Yorkshire Terrier mix Yorkie-poos ~ Yorkshire Terrier-Poodle mix Yorki-Huahua ~ Yorkie/Chihuahua mix Yorkinese ~ Pekingese/Yorkie mix Yorkipoo ~ Yorkie/Poodle mix Yorktese ~ Yorkshire Terrier/Maltese mix Zuchon ~ Bichon Frise/Shih Tzu mix

Pet Peeves from the Dog's Perspective Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out...exactly whose walk is this anyway? Dog sweaters.  Hello...have you noticed the fur? Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip" then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that firm handshake thing yet. The sleight of hand, fake-fetch-throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

A Dog's Diary 5:30 am: Started the day as a hero! When the sound of the newspaper hitting the driveway roused me from my deep slumber -- the impact indicating the paper was much heavier than normal -- I realized that no one in the house was yet awake! I roused my master by licking him in the face. He appeared very angry with himself for having overslept, shouting and waving his arms. His ill temper even seemed directed at me a bit, which is silly since it is I who saved him from being fired. Funny thing though: He didn't go into work, but spent the morning leafing through the large newspaper and drinking coffee. He seems to do this once a week, and I don't know why. 7:30 am: Invaders! The people who live next door came out into their yard, obviously getting ready to lay siege to our house. Snarling and barking, I let them know in no uncertain terms that I was prepared to tear them from limb to limb it they came any closer, and was able to repel the invasion. This is an almost daily occurrence; you'd think they'd learn. My master added his voice to the fray as well, yelling angrily. I am sure the people couldn't hear him, but it was nice of him to lend his support. 10:00 am: I was forced to move, as the patch of sun in which I was lying had, for some reason, slid over a few feet. It's not easy being a dog. 1:00 pm: I have the most thoughtful master in the world! While it's true he left me alone in the house for several hours, he did set out a treat for me on the kitchen counter. It was even gift-wrapped, a courtesy I wish he'd skipped, since it led to me having a lot of plastic in my teeth. The roast was delicious, though frozen in the center. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but crunching through two inches of rock-hard beef is hardly my idea of a delicacy. 2:00 pm: Most unpleasant experience when my master returned home and was furious that I had not eaten the plastic wrap which had been covering my present. He kept pointing at the small pieces of Styrofoam and other debris and raving in a most irrational fashion. I'm sorry, but he should know that I can't eat that stuff; it makes my stomach upset. When he began rolling up a newspaper I realized he'd lost all reason and bolted for the front door, which was fortunately open just a crack. 4:00 pm: Spent the afternoon with the girls. A most productive day; I was able to mark territory for two blocks. "Drip 'til you drop" is our motto. We had a small snack at an outdoor cafe we like, with meat scraps and bread served out of circular containers with easily displaced lids. Ran into that rogue Sebastian, who lifted his leg with irritating nonchalance -- does he think I don't know about his obsession with Muffy, that snotty schnauzer from down the road? Last month there wasn't a male in the neighborhood who couldn't be found outside her fence, and Sebastian was at the head of the pack. I let him know I want nothing more to do with him. 5:00 pm: What a treat! On the way home a flock of ravens drew my attention to a squirrel that had been flattened by an automobile. After several days in the sun, the aroma was so delicious it made my nose quiver. I rolled in the wondrous fragrance for several minutes, and when I stood up I positively radiated eau de roadkill. Let Sebastian drool over Muffy -- he doesn't know what he's missing. 6:00 pm: Of all the times to get a bath! My master, still in a foul mood, made me stand outside in the chill air while he shampooed and rinsed me several times. Every time I shook the water from my fur he, too, became drenched, and in the end he was shivering. Why in the world does he do stuff like this? 9:00 pm: Time to sleep, though I am not allowed on the bed whenever anyone's home. Aaaah, the life of a dog.

A Dog's Diary vs a Cat's Diary As seen in a dog's diary: 7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite! Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite! 2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite! 3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite! 4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite! 6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite! 7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite! 8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite! 11pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite! As seen in a cat's diary: Day 183 of my captivity... My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction that I get from clawing their furniture. Tomorrow I will eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair. I must remember to try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, that did not work according to plan... There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing "allergies." I must learn what this is and how I may use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I have patience, I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

MEDICATING CATS vs. MEDICATING DOGS 1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. 9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. 13. Tie the little critters front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters. How To Give A Dog A Pill 1. Wrap it in bacon. 2. Toss it in the air

Do I Go Home Today? My family brought me home cradled in their arms. They cuddled me and smiled at me and said I was full of charm. They played with me and laughed with me and showered me with toys. I sure do love my family, especially the little girls and boys. The children loved to feed me; they gave me special treats. They even let me sleep with them - all snuggled in the sheets. I used to go for walks, often several times a day. They even fought to hold the leash, I'm very proud to say. These are the things I'll not forget - a cherished memory. I now live in the shelter - without my family. They used to laugh and praise me when I played with that old shoe. But I didn't know the difference between the old one and the new. The kids and I would grab a rag, for hours we would tug. So I thought I did the right thing when I chewed the bedroom rug. They said that I was out of control and would have to live outside. This I didn't understand, although I tried and tried. The walks stopped, one by one; they said they hadn't time. I wish that I could change things; I wish I knew my crime. My life became so lonely in the backyard, on a chain. I barked and barked all day long to keep from going insane. So they brought me to the shelter but were embarrassed to say why. They said I caused an allergy, and then they each kissed me goodbye. If I'd only had some training as a little pup. I wouldn't have been so hard to handle when I was all grown up. "You only have one day left", I heard the worker say. Does that mean I have a second chance? Do I go home today?    ~    Author Unknown

ACTUAL CROSSBREEDS PUGGLE ~A Beagle and a Pug "If you thought Puggle sounded silly, take a look at some of these other ludicrously named crossbreeds. And no, we're honestly not joking..." ~ Sunday Mirror BICH-POO - Cross between a Bichon and a Poodle PEEK-A-POM - Cross between a Pekingese and a Pomeranian YORKTESE - Cross between a Yorkshire Terrier and a Maltese COCKAPOO - Cross between a Cocker Spaniel and a Poodle CHIWEINER - Cross between a Chihuahua and a Dachshund WHOODLE - Cross between a Soft Coated Wheaton Terrier and a Poodle SHORKIE - Cross between a Yorkshire Terrier and a Shitzu DOODLEMAN PINSCHER - Cross between a Doberman and a Standard Poodle PUGAPOO - Cross between a Pug and a Poodle

Do I Go Home Today? My family brought me home cradled in their arms. They cuddled me and smiled at me and said I was full of charm. They played with me and laughed with me and showered me with toys. I sure do love my family, especially the little girls and boys. The children loved to feed me; they gave me special treats. They even let me sleep with them - all snuggled in the sheets. I used to go for walks, often several times a day. They even fought to hold the leash, I'm very proud to say. These are the things I'll not forget - a cherished memory. I now live in the shelter - without my family. They used to laugh and praise me when I played with that old shoe. But I didn't know the difference between the old one and the new. The kids and I would grab a rag, for hours we would tug. So I thought I did the right thing when I chewed the bedroom rug. They said that I was out of control and would have to live outside. This I didn't understand, although I tried and tried. The walks stopped, one by one; they said they hadn't time. I wish that I could change things; I wish I knew my crime. My life became so lonely in the backyard, on a chain. I barked and barked all day long to keep from going insane. So they brought me to the shelter but were embarrassed to say why. They said I caused an allergy, and then they each kissed me goodbye. If I'd only had some training as a little pup. I wouldn't have been so hard to handle when I was all grown up. "You only have one day left", I heard the worker say. Does that mean I have a second chance? Do I go home today?    ~    Author Unknown

ACTUAL CROSSBREEDS PUGGLE ~A Beagle and a Pug "If you thought Puggle sounded silly, take a look at some of these other ludicrously named crossbreeds. And no, we're honestly not joking..." ~ Sunday Mirror BICH-POO - Cross between a Bichon and a Poodle PEEK-A-POM - Cross between a Pekingese and a Pomeranian YORKTESE - Cross between a Yorkshire Terrier and a Maltese COCKAPOO - Cross between a Cocker Spaniel and a Poodle CHIWEINER - Cross between a Chihuahua and a Dachshund WHOODLE - Cross between a Soft Coated Wheaton Terrier and a Poodle SHORKIE - Cross between a Yorkshire Terrier and a Shitzu DOODLEMAN PINSCHER - Cross between a Doberman and a Standard Poodle PUGAPOO - Cross between a Pug and a Poodle